It’s been awhile.
Thank you whoever you are. I’m trying to stay positive. I know that it will get better, I just don’t know how yet.
This just isn’t fair…
I used to be a liar. I used to be shady as fuck. And i decided to not tell you about me hanging out with someone you can’t stand for the sake of not fighting.. And now its biting me in the ass.. :/ How do i convince you that nothing is going on?.. I’ll admit, I’ve made my mistakes in the past, and i understand why you’re having a hard time trusting me but you’ve gotta believe me.
It’s not fair that i clicked with someone, someone who just simply gets me. Can read my mood from just the look in my eyes. Doesn’t have to pry deep into my life to know everything. Its not fair that i have to hide my friendship with this person because of what happened in the past.
I love you, i really do. Every second I’m away from you, I’m a mess. But at the same time, every second I’m with you, I’m a mess as well.. :( I don’t want to lose you, but how are we ever going to move forward from this? How is this not going to be a repeating argument for (more) months to come? How am i going to forgive you for what you said before i left?
When and if you truly love and care for someone, you don’t say that… But you did and it absolutely destroyed me. :’( A part of me wishes I could’ve made you eat your words.. See if you really wanted for that to happen. And what if it did… Would you be happy?
I don’t like feeling as though i have to choose. And I’m not going to if you give me that ultimatum. Because that’s not fair to me as a person.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say here. I just want what’s best for ME and i don’t know if that’s you anymore..
I wish I could go to sleep & never wake up. Not in the “I wanna die” sense. Its just sometimes your dreams are better than reality. And right now, I’d much rather be in an unconscious state of mind where everything is going the way I want it to. Instead, everything in front of me is falling apart and its all out of my control.
June 30, 2013 - 1:09PM
Sometimes I think about where you and I would be today if things hadn’t gone wrong. I don’t know whether I actually miss you or just the memories that we shared together. Passing thought of the day.